Let’s say you are a woman and I am a man,
and we fall in love with each other.
Or, one of us falls in love with the other.

The experience of falling in love
is not far from the experience of idolization,
wherein we idolize the other as The Perfect One,
all imperfections being unrecognized,
overlooked,
unacknowledged,
discounted,
dismissed,
disregarded,
denied,
ignored.

This does not mean we
are compatible
and well-suited for each other,
and should marry,
have many children,
several pets
and live happily ever after.

And, it does not matter
if you actually possess the qualities
and characteristics
I ascribe to you
(or you to me).
You may not be courageous and kind at all,
but the meanest coward who ever cut and ran.
It is how I see you that causes me
to fall in love with you
(And it is who you turn out to be
that causes me to divorce you, sometime later).

Being in love is not related to reality in any way.

The experience of being in love
is no predictor of the viability,
or, wisdom,
of the relationship.
Maybe, maybe not.

The experience of being in love
simply indicates that the other
has stirred to life within us
our unrealized,
unrecognized,
overlooked,
unacknowledged,
discounted,
dismissed,
disregarded,
denied,
ignored
potential for being the person
we see exemplified in the other.

We project what we do not understand
as needing to be developed within ourselves
onto the other.

The other stands before us as a mirror,
reflecting back to us our own projections
onto him,
onto her,
and we see in the other what is missing–
but available to be realized within–
and waiting to be
exhibited,
expressed,
incarnated,
brought forth
into our life as we live it.

You are the woman I need to become.
I am the man you need to be.

I need to become like you in the ways
I see you being you,
and you need to become like me
in the ways you see me being me.

My work is to become the woman
I see you as being,
exemplifying.

Your work is to become the man
you see me as being,
exemplifying.

My woman needs to be like you.
Your man needs to be like me.

I must spend my life working
to bring you to life in me.

You must spend your life working
to bring me to life in you.

In this way,
we “marry” the other,
plight “thee” our troth
through sickness and health,
wealth and poverty,
good times and bad,
’til death do us part,
Amen.

Developing my feminine side,
developing your masculine side,
is the androgynous work of soul,
wherein the two
sides of our personality,
male and female,
become one
whole,
complete,
integrated,
balanced
symmetrical,
human being.

It has nothing to do
with merging two individuals
into the same person
(As if!).

The merger is not an outer,
actual,
physical,
fact,
but an inner,
vital,
spiritual,
reality—
which we pursue as the conscious work of soul
over the full course of our life,
whether we marry
each other in real time,
or not.

Find what attracts you
about everyone/everything
you find attractive,
and spend the rest of your life
incorporating it into your life.

Incarnate it in the way you live,
integrate it into your way of being in the world,
so that you and it become one.

The real law of attraction is this:
Become what you find attractive!
Be what you love!

“The eyes are the scouts of the heart”
(Joseph Campbell).
Your soul’s deepest desire for you
is revealed in the things
that command your attention.

Look closer at that which catches your eye,
and reflect on what aspects of character
or value
is exhibited in the object of your interest.
Make it your practice
to incorporate that into your life,
and so follow the way
that opens before you
by captivating your interest
and showing you
who you are to be
throughout the remainder
of the time left for living.